Trophy Wife
by Completely Original Pen Name
Summary: Kenny has always dreamed of being the perfect trophy wife. At age eighteen, he finally finds a rich husband... Gerald Broflovski, local lawyer and father of Kyle! Yowza!


It had been Kenny's dream since he was eight to marry someone rich, wether it be male or female. When the Broflovski parents got a divorce, Kenny (who had only recently turned eighteen) saw it as the perfect chance to achieve his lifelong dream.

Kenny made a point of hanging out with Kyle every chance he got; the Broflovski children chose to live with their father, since Sheila decided to move back to New Jersey for what she claimed was "family purposes". Kenny would make sure the Broflovski boys were occupied before going to talk to Gerald. He had his whole plan figured out: start out subtle, and when the time was right, he'd go in for the kill.

Kenny and Gerald would talk in the kitchen, Kenny usually wearing something skintight he thought would be appealing, and would be sure to flash his most flirtatious smile.

Three months after the Broflovski divorce final, Gerald and Kenny began dating in private. Both were happy with the relationship, Gerald because he liked younger guys, and Kenny because Gerald was extremely wealthy, and bought Kenny whatever he wanted.

When Kenny was caught giving Gerald a blowjob in a department store restroom, their relationship hit the local media. "KYLE'S DAD DATES HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT", all the headlines read. Kenny was, after all, still a senior in high school.

The day after the news hit the media, Kyle confronted Kenny at school. And in this case, "confronted" means "started attacking in the middle of the hallway". Kyle was fucking pissed.

"HOW DARE YOU FUCKING SUCK MY DAD'S DICK!" Kyle screamed as he threw punch after punch.

"I did way more than suck his dick," Kenny managed to say, with a smirk nonetheless, between punches.

This only added more fury to Kyle's punches. He only stopped when Kenny was laying dead. By that point, the entire South Park police force had arrived at the school. They led Kyle out in handcuffs.

By the time of the trial, Kenny had came back, and nobody really remembered him even dying. Kenny did not feel a need to bring up his death, either. After a confusing seven-hour trial, the judge declared Kyle guilty of physical assault, and his punishment was 30 hours of community service. Even though he was still disgruntled by the whole situation, Kyle went home and did his best to avoid Gerald.

The next day, Kyle found out what he would have to do for his service: help a poor family rebuild their house. The family he had to help was the McCormicks. Just Kyle's luck.

He spent the next week helping them build a new fucking house, since their old one was destroyed in a snow storm a few days before. Kyle couldn't help but feel sympathetic at the sight of all five of them sleeping in one tiny tent. His sympathy was quickly gone at the sight of Kenny, with his smug smirk on a mouth that Kyle knew contained his dad's genitals before.

By the end of the week, the house was back up, new furniture was bought, and to Kyle's dismay, Kenny and Gerald's relationship was only growing stronger from all their publicity.

On the last day, Kenny went home with Kyle, claiming that Gerald invited him over for dinner. The walk home was completely silent.

When they got to Kyle's house, Kenny and Gerald immediately greeted each other with a kiss. Kyle gagged dramatically.

"Oh, grow up, Kyle," Kenny said with an eye roll.

Kyle sighed loudly. "Ugh, whatever," he murmured.

Gerald frowned. "Kyle, do we need to have a talk?" He asked.

"No, Dad!" Kyle said sarcastically. "I don't give a fuck if you date my friend who's half your fucking age!"

"Kyle, please watch your language," Gerald said. He turned to Kenny. "Babe, can you please leave me and Kyle alone for a minute?" Kenny obliged and went out to the living room, leaving Kyle and Gerald alone in the kitchen. Gerald sat down next to Kyle. "Listen, son, I need you to understand that I wasn't happy with your mom. I'm gay, and I always was. You should accept it."

"I don't care that you're gay!" Kyle said defensively. "I care that you're dating my friend, like a pervert!"

"Kenny's eighteen," Gerald said. "He's legal."

"So?" Kyle asked. "Why the fuck so you like him?"

"Well..." Gerald smiled. "He's cute... He's nice... He's good in bed..."

Kyle covered his ears and groaned. "Dad, I don't need to hear that!" He said. He let out a heavy sigh. "Why does he like you?"

At this, Gerald frowned. "I... Don't know..." He said.

"Ask him, Dad," Kyle said. "Please just... Ask Kenny why he likes you."

"I will," Gerald replied. "I'll ask him."

"Promise?" Kyle asked.

"Promise," Gerald said.

After that, the Broflovskis and Kenny had dinner. Over desert, Ike and Kyle were shocked when Gerald got on one knee and pulled out a golden ring with a huge diamond on it.

"Kenny... Will you marry me?" Gerald asked.

Kenny teared up, and nodded quickly. "Oh my god... Yes! Of course I will!" He put the ring on before kissing his new fiancée deeply, much to Kyle's disgust.

The wedding was held over the summer, after graduation. A majority of the South Park High senior class was in attendance. The wedding was extravagant, and the reception was even more so. There was a live band and gourmet food; nothing but the best for Kenny.

After the wedding, Gerald and Kenny went on a month-long honeymoon to California. It was Kenny's request.

The first thing Kenny did when they came back was have a sleepover with his friends, including Kyle.

"Hey, Jew, don't you find it weird as fuck that Kenny's your stepdad now?" Cartman asked halfway through the night.

"Shut your mouth, Fatass!" Kyle said before tackling Cartman.

"Kyle, stop," Kenny said (not that he cared).

"No!" Kyle said as he punched Cartman, in a similar manner that he had punched Kenny all those weeks ago.

"Kyle, dammit, I'm your stepfather!" Kenny said, grabbing Kyle and trying to pull him off. "Staaaan, help me!"

"YEAH, JEW, RESPECT KENNY'S AUTHORITAH!" Cartman shouted out in pain.

Stan and Kenny managed to pry Kyle off of Cartman. Cartman stood up, brushed himself off, and backed away from Kyle. "Crazy fucking Jew..." He murmured.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Kyle demanded.

Stan sighed and pulled Kyle into a tight hug, more to restrain him from causing more chaos than anything else. "Calm down, dude," he said, holding Kyle's arms to his sides as Kyle struggled to get away. Eventually, Kyle calmed down and went limp.

"Jesus Christ, he's like a fucking animal," Cartman muttered, tending to his wounds.

"Dude, don't talk about my stepson like that," Kenny said with an eye roll.

Kyle was about to start trying to attack again, but stopped. He actually liked how it sounded.

Maybe, just maybe, being the stepson of a gold-digging trophy husband wouldn't be so bad.

EPILOGUE

Gerald and Kenny had a happy marriage. Kenny, because he got everything he wanted, and Gerald because he got a hot younger husband who was amazing at sex.

Kyle and Kenny became closer friends, and occasionally pissed each other off over their new step-family status.

Kyle went off to college, while Kenny stayed home and enjoyed life as a trophy husband. Kyle got married to Stan after graduating, and became a lawyer, like his father was.

The only time Kenny was not happy was when he wanted a king-sized bed. He claimed he couldn't make love to Gerald until they got one.

After getting a new king-sized bed (and satin sheets), everyone lived happily ever after.


End file.
